12.22.2010

rules of my own making.

it's silly really, the little things that i "don't do". unconsciously not doing things that don't fit in with my perception of who i should be.
because if i did them, then...i wouldn't fit the mold.
my mold.
a mold i created so i would have something to be.

i don't paint my nails
i don't like funny shows/movies (most of the time)
i don't wear a lot of makeup
i don't buy brand new clothes (hardly ever)
i don't like running
i don't eat white bread
etc. etc. etc.

i think perhaps you see what i mean. everyone has things. little or large, they are there.
for some things, i do have very valid reasoning; white bread: i hate how it sticks to your mouth and squishes with any pressure (yuck!). brand new clothes: too spendy! i feel bad spending 10 dollars on anything. i think this is good and saves me money, or at least gets me more clothes for the same amount.

last night i was just fed up. i was about to go to bed and i had the sudden urge to paint my nails. i hesitated, thinking "it is 10:20, way too late for this!", and then proceeded to dig out the jar of chrome nail polish and paint my nails while sitting in front of the heater. then i went to bed, leaving my teeth un-brushed and face un-washed.

satisfying.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

yay! ver' pretty. i lak da nails. and the breaking of shoulds.

<3m